exposed....again

i feel betrayed.....exposed.....again.

i must need to feel that vulnerability that i create to remind myself to always seek the good and not the rage at perceived injustice.

it felt the exact same way it did before. i was being punished for feeling betrayal, anger, humiliation. i let one comment slip to an unknown soul, whom i thought i could trust. i was blindsided by the exposure. my heart pounded as i realized an enemy saw my heart and judged it.

even now i am afraid to write down my words in case someone may see my thoughts, feelings and exposed emotion and judge it. why then write it down and send them out to be seen? i'm not sure. i just know i need to. even when i wrote privately in my own home, he found them and exposed me in the cruelest way, so what difference does it really make?

can i not say what needs to be said to heal my broken heart with some understanding and compassion? do i not extend that to those who would hurt me but deep down know they are only grieving over what was lost and will heal and feel remorse later, as i have done? why am i not extended the same compassion i try to extend to others?

do i really forgive and forget as i want others to do for me?

can we say in open communication what our hearts are really feeling and know that somewhere, somehow, there will be love, graciousness and acceptance of all the hurt we feel?

over and over i repeat the process. exposure of what is precious to my hurt. betrayal of what is needed to say to heal and be reborn.

have i not paid my dues?

what is the magic mirror saying to me about me in this continuous cycle? what am i missing that i keep creating it? is there no one who will stand for me in this life and say i am allowed to feel all that i feel and am complete in that process? is God the only one who will love me as i am with all these scars?

i stand alone again and again. i cover my wounds and cuts with brave smiles and hidden tears. i want to be exposed, but not for what i lack but for the brilliance of who i am trying to become.

the world is heartless. business is rejecting the human factor so that we are only numbers and pages in their employment history. how does one keep the heart-felt emotion in a world that shows it no value? where is the kindness, the compassion, the truth about all of us being flawed as human beings with the ability for both light and dark?

when will we stop judging each other and see the passion of the human soul in EVERY eye?

when will i?

PC