Today I am working from home with a cold. Yay.
M is here too of course, trying to stay focused on her home studies.
I feel so much when I talk with her and she expresses how hard it is to be alone at home, doing something she HATES (academics) while all her friends are at school. Her choice was to leave school, but now there is this vacum and I CAN'T FIX IT!!
I want to. I am so conditioned to do something, to fix it, to take a plan of action, that to just sit and try to encourage her, listen to her, hear her, while not doing any of those things is brutal. I don't want to get in the way. She needs to run her course and play her game exactly the way she is. She is not broken or getting it wrong. I hear myself say that but there is still this restlessness to do something about it.
She has such a beautiful voice and sweet spirit when she is just being that I know this still time in her life is perfect for what she is creating for herself. I need to really trust that this is right in line with what needs to be, otherwise it would not be! But to sit by and watch the tears run down her face and know that she is lonely and feeling confused as to why she is needing the game to be played out so differently than her friends has been challenging.
I know she will come through this and enter into her full joy and abundance, but like most of us, sitting in the unknown is frightening.
I actually prayed for her last night before I fell asleep. I am not one to pray so much because I know that we all are the true spirit of God and don't need to look outside ourselves for anything that isn't already inside of us. BUT it felt good to express my feelings to myself out loud as if to plug in to an understanding and creation that goes beyond my own understanding.
Going to get groceries now!
Until next time,
PC
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